Portrait

It is so surreal - this whole death-bed business. In the last hours, as he is lying there, thinner than I have ever seen him before, I can almost see the life leaving him. I can sense it. I had never thought of him as an old person, nor had it occurred to me that he was an old, sick person. Now it’s obvious to me that he is both - and has been for awhile, too. How could I have missed it? But perhaps, that was the essence of knowing him - to forget, to not really notice that he is old and sick and only know who he is beyond both those things that in some people, are undeniable, inescapable.

I’ve never had a loved one ‘dying’ before. They’ve all just been sudden and random deaths. And yet, as he lay there, I couldn’t quite decide whether I was glad for the prior warning, or miserable that he had to be in pain. Knowing that he didn’t have much longer, that last week gave us all the chance to see him, hold his hands and whisper whatever words we could muster up in an un-trembling voice. It gave us the chance to light incense and play quiet music and set him up for the next phase. It gave us the chance to say our goodbyes and our respective prayers and see him one last time. And yet, I wonder whether if things could have somehow ended sooner and with less warning, it might have been better for him. I learned that somehow, to watch someone die is harder in its own way than to be one day told, without warning, that they are gone.

And so he embarked on what I know to him was just another adventure, another point of transition. He went fearlessly, perhaps he was even looking forward to it. And yet to me, his passing on was initially wrought with sadness and constantly being reminded of the void that he has left in the world and in my life - it grew with every passing moment. And yet, I realised that if he was ready, then I shouldn’t worry. And I think I can be quite certain that he was ready.

He was a raconteur - always full of stories that were told with quiet sarcasm, he was a presence - always lurking, never intruding, but carefully observing everything before him, providing an oasis of calm, far from the madding crowd. More than anything, in a world of inconsistencies, he was a consistent person. You knew what he was about. You knew, instantly, that there would be no bullshit allowed beyond a certain point. His world was one that was free from pretense, free from hypocrisy, free from false and superficial judgments, and everyone that entered could darn well abide by the same rules. I could count on him, in the way that I’m sure many did - to always be solid, true and sincere. I could count on him to be unaffected by the trivialities that plague many of our lives. I could count on him to not care about so much stuff that is totally irrelevant and yet that we spend so much time caring about - and I could count on him to remain that way, day in, day out.

Death is such a strange thing, inherently - it invovles so many more than just the person to whom it’s happening. And it’s two very different experiences for those on either side - for the one who is passing, how it feels we may never know, and for those who are left to deal with an absence and a loss that is solely their very own, it is an event of sadness, always coupled with hints of regrets. We write eulogies and have memorials and funerals at which we cry and reminisce - and all this is for ourselves, for our own anguish, our own desire to achieve closure and get together and help each other through it. To make ourselves feel better. But there is no shame in this - it is no less necessary or noble to fulfill our own emotional needs, to fill our own voids and gaps with funerals and wakes and feel as though we’ve done something for them. It is all part of being this crazy, wonderful, complicated species.

And if nothing, he was a testament to just how crazy and wonderful human beings can be, and he lead a life that was a good example of how incredible and fulfilling a human life can be.

I think I did my bit for him - and for myself. I think I can safely say I have no regrets, no ‘what if’s and ‘if only’s. I have to myself the certainty that I was lucky enough to have had time with him in his best days, and I hope I was able to give of myself to him in his worst.

Bon Voyage, Mo. And good luck.

The Travelling Circus at Nuga Sevana.
Photograph by Twiggy.

Ten years ago, Mind Adventures Theatre was created by three wonderful young women - one of whom I am honoured to say I know and love very dearly. They did this with the intention of ’shaking things up a little’, and boy, did they manage that. They brought to the Colombo stage something quite different from the productions that dominated the Sri Lankan English theatre scene at the time - something quite different from the large-scale, big-budget performances of West End and Broadway musicals and the drawing room comedies that drew theatre-goers to the Lionel Wendt. And indeed, their mission was to experiment with theatrical genres, new trends and alternate venues. All Mind Adventures’ little ‘experiments’ thus far have turned out rather well, as you all know.

Its Artistic Director Tracy Holsinger is a well-known name now - a name synonymous with thought-provoking and cutting-edge theatre. Mind Adventures has always worked with the best actors on the Sri Lankan stage, while constantly looking for, finding, honing and finally introducing undiscovered talent to the theatre lovers of the day.

It has been my privilege to know and work with Tracy - she has taught me nearly every important thing I know about acting and many other important things about life in general - further more, working with her has brought me into contact with some of the most intelligent, talented young people I know - all of whom I love and admire endlessly.

So when we all sat down together to figure out what to do for Mind Adventures’ 10th Anniversary Production, needless to say, I knew even then that the results were bound to be interesting, to say the least.

And so The Travelling Circus is coming to town.

This show to me is the epitome of everything we are as a group and perfectly summarizes how we like to work - it will showcase for you perfectly all the madness, the crazy ideas, the fantasies, the fears and above all, the singular vision of a group of people who want to produce something that is more than just OK. It will display all the quirks, the idiosyncrasies, the hard-work and all the absolute, unadulterated fun we have had doing this for you, with each other, all under the keen watch of The Great Dictator Director.

Come and see The Travelling Circus from the 26th - 30th of November 2009 at Nuga Sevana - located on the Cathedral Grounds, Bauddhaloka Mawatha. Watch as the creatures of the night crawl out of the trees, and fantastical birds take flight, and talking animals and non-speaking humans make the stage their own. Watch as the results of all our slightly insane, totally unhinged, completely hilarious experiments are revealed for all to see.

Visit our blog for more information, or email us at daytripperinfo@gmail.com.

Click here for all the photographic evidence.