Portrait

David tagged me, in this on-going tagging fever that RD started. To put into five words how I feel is difficult. As you already probably know if you read my blog, I like the sound of my own voice. I like to talk, and in the blogging equivalent, I like to blog. I like to put all my thoughts down, arrange them one by one, carefully, meaningfully. This is one of the reasons I blog. Writing them down helps me to make sense of them, to organise them.

But, OK. This is a challenge. Five words. Here goes.

1. Distrusting
2. Fearful
3. Despair
4. Hopeful
5. Overwhelmed

I think the last one is the most true to how I feel. Right now, I’m feeling so much, so many different things all at once, I feel tired. It’s hard to go around feeling so much, all the time. My mind is constantly bombarded with thoughts of those in the IDP camps and hospitals. My heart aches with despair and worry, for all those overseas, who are worrying day and night about the members of their families who got left behind. My very body it seems is heavy.

And yet my mind rationalises, telling me to feel hope and positivity. And so, we come to number 4. Perhaps the most important feeling to harbour right now, hope, but also the hardest to feel. Some days, I feel like I’m forcing myself.

But I am forcing myself. To be patient, to see the bright side, to give it a chance. And maybe for now, that’s good enough.

I tag no one. Everyone, it seems, has a pretty clear idea of how they feel.