the child that is me
i’ve been called a ‘child’ negatively in my life many times, mostly by my mother who thinks this is the worst possible insult ever (and perhaps it is!), and i don’t mind it so much because i think it can work as the best scapegoat sometimes. but i can’t be an adult and a child alternatively, when it is convenient for me. in the eyes of many, i am still a child. my mother thinks so, my family thinks so, my teachers think so. in the eyes of still many more, i’m an adult. my friends think so, my peers think so, my mother thinks so. it’s a difficult place to be in, essentially i’ve lived relatively very little, and therefore can only know a little more than a child, can only live a little better than a child. but i’ve also grown up in an atmosphere where independence was crucial ; think on your own, work on your own, do stuff on your own, and this has resulted in me becoming an adult far sooner than i expected. i’m not a very good adult yet, but i’ll be better soon. meanwhile, everyone has to remember that i am trying.
my life and opinions are not limited to this blog. there’s a lot i don’t record here, a lot that doesn’t go down in writing. but i think the information i provide here is sufficient for you to gather that i am not an idiot. i’m not, really. but i can’t prove this to those that don’t care to listen.
i’ve been recently perturbed by ashanthi’s responses to my posts ; particularly her last comment here, where she called me ‘child’, ‘brat’, ‘moron’ because she thinks she knows to enough to correctly assume those things about me.
there’s a few things i clarify time and time again, but let me do it now again, just to be sure.
a) i’m not a representative. i speak for myself solely. i don’t represent anyone else’s ideals or opinions. i write about how i feel, what i think, in the way that i want to write it. i don’t have an editor, i write and overlook my own posts and therefore, they are not always succinct and perfect. i have a tendency to get my emotions and passions about the things i address caught in the words i use to express them, and this usually dilutes their power and meaning. however, i try my very best not to misinform those of you that read here ; i don’t blog information unless i’m absolutely sure it’s accurate. so far, i think this has worked. tell me if you feel it hasn’t.
b) this blog is not a political commentary. you want politics? visit nittewa. he hasn’t updated in awhile, but that’s a good example for a blog that’s dedicated to political and current affairs. portrait, is not one of these. it’s a personal record, an online journal even, and whatever i blog is related to how i was feeling then and there. so don’t expect me to save the world from all it’s troubles, i do care, but i’m not the desginated saviour. i’m not a committed activist, i’m the child of one. this still allows me chances to do something in my own way, chances that i never pass up. and just because i don’t talk about them here, it doesn’t mean i’m not doing them or that i don’t give a shit.
so don’t judge me. i, just as any other human, have my own problems right now. these take time and effort to solve and solving these are my main priority. perhaps later on in my lfie, i can do more to help the pathetic situation we’re living in now, but for now, i’m doing all i can. don’t cricify me just because i’m not solving everyone’s problems or just because seemingly, i don’t mind the terrible way things are right now. i DO mind, i DO care. i may be a child, but this doesn’t shut my eyes to the world around me. this doesn’t spare me the knowledge that we are living in a time of war and terror.
now, forget it. move on.
I thought many of those comments made towards you were unneccesarily personal and rather childish anyway. When serious discussion gets derailed by personal comments then it’s usually a sign that someone isn’t thinking that objectively. On the other hand Electra, by writing and publishing a blog, we all leave ourselves open to criticism and judgement, by writing about political issues we will always get political comments. If you’re content in yourself then it usually doesn’t matter what other people think. You seem ok to me child!!
Comment by R — November 23, 2006 @ 11:56 am
you owe know explanations. endeavour for what you believe in and keep eyes, ears n heart open to learning constantly. we’re all children, especially those who insist they aren’t. there are far worse things one can be than a child. as r above says, the moment u post on something, you invite opinion, some of which will not rightly or wrongly make sense to you. dont let that get to you. material once published is open to bashing, thats something you have to accept. comment is comment - take it for what it is. stand up at he risk of looking foolish.. there’s little choice there
Comment by mala — November 23, 2006 @ 12:37 pm
Hey Mala, haven’t seen you around these parts for a while!
Comment by R — November 23, 2006 @ 1:11 pm
Hey R
i divorced the world for a while, but am considering possibilities of a kiss n make up.. hope all is well on your end.. when’s the next visit being planned for? 
Comment by mala — November 23, 2006 @ 3:34 pm
Hey mala, All is well here. The nest visit will be next year for sure, I’m not sure exactly when yet. When is best for you?
I’m not too good with these smiley things! Get in touch R
Comment by R — November 23, 2006 @ 4:12 pm
Ashanthi is a bit antisocial/psychotic. I don’t take her seriously (at all) and neither should you. At first the personal attacks can get to you, but at the end of the day she’s a garden variety troll, whereas you are one of the more popular and relevant bloggers around. Not to mention a cool person.
Comment by indi — November 23, 2006 @ 5:14 pm
thanks for comments, everyone.
Comment by electra — November 23, 2006 @ 5:27 pm
indi - are you calling me anti-social because i have left any comments on your blog for a while? You really need to stop whining about how mean I am to you because let me assure you there are others who despise you a lot more and not because they know you.
electra - don’t get so upset. I’m sorry and you probably won’t believe this but that wasn’t me giving you grief anyway. I’m often watch telly and surfing the net, others read this and other sri lankan blogs because I encourage them to. They then leave comments and I should probably ban them from doing this - but hey it happens.
Sometimes they feel they need to stick up for me and they certainly feel that Tamils need sticking up for. If you read the comments again you will see that there was a change of style of writing it’s quite obvious. It is reminiscent of when I first discovered morq and was anon de non etc…
I’m sure you have your own set of problems.
I do agree that gay issues are political. You set someone off here by implying that they weren’t. For gay men and women who had to fight for the right to be themselves, 10, 20 and 30 years ago - it’s obvious that they have fought a political struggle. I’m surprised you would not see this?
I also have to stress that my original comment was trying to raise the issue of across the board denial and intolerance in s/lank sustained by ignorance and down right stupidity, considering where the country is going.
You’re jumping up and down and stomping your feet saying you don’t want to know but you do but … well ok, don’t fret.
Good of you to give nittewa a plug but from what I hear, it has been abandoned by it’s author because he’s sick of immature s/lankan bloggers
. Now don’t get grumpy with me, his words not mine and sorry again, but again I do have to agree.
Especially when I read indi’s pathetic lamment.
Take it easy. If ever I do leave a comment on your blog again, I will leave this symbol in it at the end so you know it’s me … &. Otherwise - you know it’s someone else. Take what they say with a pinch of salt but know that the feedback you are getting represents what other people think of you out here in the big wide world.
It is important to be tolerant of other peoples opinions, the name calling is just these people letting of steam, the blog is a place where this happens, you know this.
Talk soon …&
Comment by ashanthi — November 23, 2006 @ 6:04 pm
yes i’ll have more brocolli, but easy on the cheese sauce. When is Tracy coming down ? oh yeah and please pass the salt.
Comment by Boycy — November 24, 2006 @ 6:34 am
do u mean ‘broccoli’ as in the vegetable? what the hell is brocolli?
does anyone apart from ashanthi care that nittewa doesn’t blog anymore?
Comment by :) — November 24, 2006 @ 1:43 pm
:) obvious that your real blog id would be recognised by a few hence you blog as an anon and hence obvious who you are especially your snide did at morq.
my point is that the world laments the loss of independent voices speaking and dealing with the truth right across sri lanka in all forms of the media. We are losing them not to old age but a deliberate genocidal campaign to exterminate them whilst most Sinahlese people who have the power to influence these evil killings turn a blind eye.
And yes a lot of people, Tamil and concerned bloggers out in the real world, miss the fact morq does not blog on nittewa. The fact that a more realistic and honest point of view is no longer being presented.
The real question though is does morq? After putting up with all the immature and vile abuse he got from mostly indi’s friends, does he miss putting up with childish bloggers like you- apparently not.
It will be 2 years on 24/12/06 after the Tsunami hit. The relevance of morq and nittewa far out weighs a comment from someone who blogs as
even if they are a “close” associate of indi’s. He will probably go down in history as the reason why a large percentage of sri lankans started blogging right across the world. Not because pf morq’s personality (charming as it is 
came flying through computers monitors but because …
he is male, between the ages of 18 - 45, Sinhalese, from an influential family and because he attempted to get the truth about Sri Lanka out to the world. He continues to do so.
Rather than tear your fellow country-man down, take a leaf out of his book and try and understand what it feels like right now to be Tamil.
It’s what I asked of elcetra (and boy did I cope it for that!), it’s what I ask of everyone in Sri Lanka. Not tomorrow, not in 10 years but now. If you don’t it is only going to get harder to resolve this conflict and innocent people will continue to die in horrendous and terrible ways. Think about it.
If we have peace tomorrow, it will take at least 25 years and a whole new generation before we can forgive but we will still not have forgotten. We will never forget.
One of the other comments made about electra by a friend of mine relating to these posts was that people can see why “peacniks” are a waste of space. It’s something that sittingnut goes on and on about.
Let me explain …
Unless a genuine strong and across all age groups, grass roots, peace campaign starts in Sri Lanka amongst the Sinhalese, there will NEVER be peace in Sti Lanka. You want peace - go recruit in the schools like the JVP is doing. Get into parliament like Mahinda did. Use the media to get your message out like the GOSL does with it’s constant lies in state controlled broad-casts.
The blog enabled Morq to bypass control of the meida and get the truth out. Do we miss him - YES!!!! And if you can’t see that, Mr
, that would be because you are all those names a friend of mine was calling electra before!
Sure, tt is a lot to ask of all and some of you - I do understand but to a certain extent, if you are too blind to see that it is your karma, your responsibility and destiny then we, collectively will all continue to suffer.
We will continue to read about the few remaining men and women of peace being picked off, one by one by one.
To anyone out there, who is Sri Lankan, who has a burning desire to save Sri Lanka from the evil that grips it, I say this …
Join together in Peace, turn the other cheek, don’t support the “eye for an eye” philosophy. If you grow in numbers, firstly, you will win government and secondly, they cannot kill us all.
In the land of Oz we would call Morq a Tall Poppy. He got shot down because he stood out amongst the rest of the mediocre and tunnel-visioned lopsided bloggers in Sri Lanka.
However, even in Oz, we don’t like it when things become sooooo lopsided. A case in point right now is the cricket we are attempting to play with England. Truly, my friends - is there any point to this series of the Ashes??? I mean - it surely is a why bother situation don’t you think??? I just want to send the English cricket team home to bed with some vicks vapour rub on their chests and warm milk with honey in it.
I believe the Pomms are really good at … hmmmm … well…. oh look I’m sure they’re good at something
!
In the same vein, is there any real contest between Tamils sitting under trees whilst they are being bombed to anhilation in the dirt near Vanni? No. So why don’t we stop this play and try a different game. How about the game of peace and tolerance. I’d say both sides are equally bad at it - so it would be an even match!
I would like to gather and protect my people and stop them from being slaughtered to extinction for no good reason. I do my bit but you can do more - so please, help them and don’t get cranky when I ask you to (electra).
My point is - Sri Lanka needs to stop killing it’s citizens, not tomorrow but today. You need to make this happen asap.
Peace bloggers, Peace.
Comment by ashanthi — November 25, 2006 @ 9:10 pm
Whoops - sorry and yes that was the real ashanthi … &
Comment by ashanthi — November 25, 2006 @ 9:11 pm
I would disagree with Ashanthi. Sri Lanka would hit a population crisis if it doesn’t stop “slaughtering its own citizens”. Imagine the burden on the welfare system. Do you really want to pay 50% VAT and 75% income tax.
I could suggest a way to get around the technical dilemma that we are bombing our own citizens. Disenfranchise them! Then we would be bombing aliens on our soil. I’m quite certain that it’s perfectly legal and moral.
Having a multi billion dollar defence budget to slaughter aliens is perfectly justifiable. We are saving our future generation from having to pay outrageously high margin tax rates. By spending a billion on slaughter now, we would save trillions in the future.
So get on with it.
Comment by Just Mal — November 27, 2006 @ 12:17 pm
as much as i typically detest the trivialisation of major issues, i’d say trolling in the likes of the above (just mal) is healthy
helps to laugh every so often at the sheer absurdity of things!
whats scary mal is that they probably sat around and considered ur suggestion as an option at one time! and surely the conquering tamils from india were brought into the argument while ignoring completely the banished indian prince that floated over here, seduced and used the local tribal princess to get the throne and then killed off her relatives and such! (our ancestors!)
we’re holding off on completing enfranchisement of all estate tamils anyhoo, just in case they decide to take up arms! so in that event we still have the possibility of going by your suggestion mal.
but for now, how about u use that obvious skill at numbers to find a reason why it may be useful to spare the people? try it as a “dont think about the pink elephant” type exercise
(for the confused, apparently, word is that if u tell the human brain not to think of something thats exactly what it thinks of.. )
Comment by mala — November 27, 2006 @ 11:02 pm
good luck with trying to redeem maladjusted mala - as for finding him humerous - i’m sure those kids that have spent over 14 years in some stinky refugee camps in jaffna think he’s bloody hillarious.
don’t encourage the idiot.
… &
Comment by ashanthi — November 28, 2006 @ 11:47 am