Myself
this is attempt number 2, for an essay that will be the right one to send with my applications for university. the majority’s opinion about the last one seemed to be that i wasn’t saying enough about myself exclusively. someone told me that i need to be more confident, boastful, even. that i need to tell them WHY they want me. tell me what you think about this. personally, as an essay i don’t like this as much as ‘the topic of my choice’. i really don’t know what the requirements are for an application essay : what do they look for? what do they want? what grabs them? another someone said that in an indirect way, the previous essay said more about me than this one does, even though this one is specifically about me. i couldn’t agree more, but that could be because i truly loathe writing about myself.
When I was 8, and needed, more than once, to write an essay on “Myself”, I found it sufficient to write nice, succinct sentences stating My Name, My Age, My Sibling’s Name. The need seemed purely informational and the task, simple. My understanding of an essay was a) stating fact and b) ‘sticking’ to the topic. It wasn’t about me, my writing, how I felt, what I wanted to say. It was about Myself. How much more gloriously convenient could a topic be?
However, now, as an 18 year old on the brink of university entrance and the threshold of all things unpredictable and exciting alike, I struggle to write an essay about Myself. I can’t decide. Which things should I tell you? Which things will engage you; give you a clue as to who I am? What do I think about myself? How do I express myself? Which things about me are more important, are nicer, and are better than the others?
I could tell you about how I love to dance; how, after being dragged to dancing classes routinely every Saturday by my mother, I grew to love it and wanted to do little else. How, from the age of seven, I have danced, and how, when I am onstage, I feel like I am where I am supposed to be. I could tell you about the all the shows I’ve danced in, all the very special teachers I’ve learnt from, all the times in which I’ve dabbled with choreography. I could tell you about how I love to talk; how, that love combined with my keen sense of opinion and expression, moulded me into a worthy debater at a young age. How I was the youngest ever student in the history of my school to be made the captain of our senior debating team, how my team went on to win many debates and how I was made ‘Best Captain’ once. I could tell you how I love the stage; how, I’ve acted in many different plays and worked backstage on numerous occasions too, how I’ve loved being stage manager as much as I’ve loved acting and how thrilled I am to have been cast in Enda Walsh’s Chatroom, directed by Tracy Holsinger.
I could tell you how I love experience; how, I’ve worked with children who were affected by the tsunami in my country, hosting art and drama workshops for them in their camps. How, I’ve shown films to female inmates in the Welikada Prison, how I’ve taught dancing to young, female orphans, how I’ve found so much in common with a six year old who could neither hear nor talk.
I could tell you how I love to write; how, surreptitiously, it is my one passion, it is the one thing above all else that I want to be able to do really well. How, I want everyone to know me as a writer and nothing else. How, I pray for the discipline and talent it will take to one day write something worth publishing. How, sometimes I struggle with the want to write when nothing flows, and sometimes I can’t stop the words, tumbling out of me in waves, unstoppable and elating.
This is who I am, perhaps, who I wish to be, perhaps, who I wish I am. Besides the dancing, the debating, the invigorating community work, the stage-addiction and writing, there is little about me that I could say in words. There is that immense passion I feel for those I love and respect, my friends and family, they who make my life what it is. There is that great vigor with which I can convince anyone to listen to what I am saying, that unshakable faith with which I believe in my perspectives and views. Underneath all that, there is that genuine enthusiasm for change, for admitting my wrongs and learning more. There is that fearlessness, yet that nostalgia, with which I face the future and leave the past behind me.
I am young, eager, determined and strong. I’m not eight years old anymore, and am no longer satisfied with telling you the basics. I’ll tell you what you need to know, but secretly I want you to really know me, not just the facts but how it feels. Secretly, I want you to look inside, not just at the name tag but at the desire to walk tall. And more secretly yet, I want you to like me, to respect me, not just the things I do, but who I am.
I remember when i first came across your blog, you had written something on your love for the beach. (I have not read it since) At that time I remember thinking what a fantastic piece of writing that was, and was later shocked to discover how young you were. You will write and I have no doubt you will be published.
Comment by Naz — November 10, 2006 @ 5:06 pm
hey, this one’s definitely better than the other. that was too abstract and really didn’t say anything particular about yourself. i was one of the student interviewers in the admissions office at my college and i can tell you that what we were always looking for were people who were really accomplished, but also unique (or at least could present themselves uniquely) … the college essay is for grabbing an admissions committee who’ve already looked through files and files full of stellar grades, lots of community service, cocurriculars, etc. i think your essay now is pretty good, but sometimes it’s just a listing of acomplishments (like with the debating stuff) and i think you’ve been forced into doing this by comments of how there isn’t enough about accomplishments in your essay. i think you need to get a good balance between presenting everything you’ve done and showing yourself while doing so. the common application will ask you elsewhere to list accomplishments and extracurriculars and community service, etc. so don’t worry too much about listing them here. i’d suggest that you instead utilize this very limited writing space to say how you felt about these things … for instance in this essay, that stuff about how you feel about dancing, working with children, was very interesting. you should try to get more into your personal thoughts into those sentences. because you have a word limit to work with, i’d suggest you shorten the first two paragraphs (the ideas are very good, but they take up too much valuable wordspace) and tell us more than just “i could tell you” about dancing and actually SAY IT. don’t try to say every single thing you’ve done .. dancing, debate, stage, back stage, tsunami work, orphans, writing, etc. etc. because then you just gloss over them. pick a couple and elaborate. i think because you don’t like writing about yourself (as you state) you’re trying to avoid it by using these tools but it’s going to work against you in the end.
that’s my humble (and very looooong) opinion anyway. i’m curious where you’re applying??
Comment by Turtle — November 11, 2006 @ 9:00 pm
i cant say i like this better than the last one. I absolutely agree with everything turtle says. i would actually suggest you pick just ONE of the achievements you have outlined here. there is no doubt you have an impressive record of accomplishments, but most colleges (all 20 that i applied to anyway) are not looking to read that in your essay. i get the feeling you are annoyed by the boundaries that you have to stick to in writing this essay, which i know is frustrating but try not to let that show in your writing. you are a beautiful writer… keep working on this. i am convinced you wiil have a wonderful piece at the end.
Comment by c — November 11, 2006 @ 10:26 pm
hey!
Read your essay with much delight.. you have a truly arresting style of writing. But having said that, I have my doubts on this one as a submission to university. I particularly felt that you could have removed your last para. Dont get me wrong… your essay is a great read, but still theres something that I feel is wanting. Its a bit too (to use the Sinhala phrase) “uding uding vitharai”. Focus a bit more on substance… easy for me to say… I know how frustrating these bloody things can be! Good Luck!!!
Comment by Ayeshea — November 12, 2006 @ 4:41 am
i hope you reserve a copy of your first publishing for me… i dont want to have to camp outside a bloody book store for 2 days…
‘awe’some work, as always…and i’m not talking only about this particular post either… 
xxx
Comment by Bo — November 12, 2006 @ 5:10 am
much better than attempt 1. It’s all about ‘Marketing yourself’ to these American universities. And I think you’ve done a good job of that in this one. Good luck, love - A
Comment by Anush — November 14, 2006 @ 4:23 pm
as for just picking one of the achievements and talking about it…DON’T. What you have included is fine. You have a good balance - incorporating most of your achievement and acitivities MOST significant to youm whilst not boring them with a long drawn ‘list’ of “stuff I’ve done”.
Comment by Anush — November 14, 2006 @ 4:26 pm
Nope, not spam.
Comment by SPAMMER — November 14, 2006 @ 6:51 pm
babes…sounds a.m.a.z.i.n.g….. u’ll knock their socks off…{ironically my uni essay was also about myself…
}
Comment by shannon — December 1, 2006 @ 10:36 am