Portrait

it’s the end of ’summer’, and one by one, everyone has to go, everyone has to go back. some of us are hopeful that nothing will change from now until the next time when we are all reunited, but even those of us that dare to dream this way know better. but even those of us that are disappointed with the shocking impermenence of reality know one other thing too : next year, when we are all together again, it will be just like it always has been - bursting to the seams with stories, old and new, additions to the usual suspects, girlfriends, boyfriends, old and new, experiences, old and new - we will find our way to each other and hug and laugh and cry and just be.

last night cousin N packed his bags. we all hugged wordlessly, we held each other quietly and cried a little. some of us into each other’s shoulders, some of us only in our deepest selves. he’s leaving a different person, truly changed by life’s sudden plan for our family. he will come back next year to a different home, a different life, changed, but also the same. i hope, in my deepest self, that we will be able to be what is ‘also the same’, so that we have enough familiarity between us for comfort, but also that we will change, so that life goes on in that distinctive way it has.

we didn’t say much to each other. but enfolded in the hugs (we all even hugged each other and not just him, in an attempt to absorb as much warmth we preserve between the 6 or 7 of us), we exchanged vows of eternal love and silent prayers of good luck. we will all be ok.

so, farewell, to you all. some of you go overseas not knowing what to expect, for the first time to a whole new world of new people and new responsibilities. some of you go knowing what lies at the end of the the journey, good friends, a warm home and a life of routine. some of you go with confidence and some of you with apprehension.

life as we know it, will change soon. nothing will be simple anymore. i try and try to hold onto every moment, every memory, but the harder i hold, the more it slips further and further away from my grasp. i find what little comfort i can in this, in this notion, this knowledge that no matter how complicated, uncertain, challenging or downright miserable life will get, atleast we will still have each other. changed, but also the same, we’ll wait for each other.