closer to closure
everyone needs to know the importance of closure. nothing quite like it, IMO
if it’s nagging you, finding its way into your thoughts when most uncalled for and worse, when most unexpected, spare yourself the irritation and get some closure. if you feel like you don’t know what the other party is thinking, if you feel like you’re letting the other party walk away with a wrong impression that will last them a lifetime because you never worked up enough gut to explain yourself, talk to them. explain yourself now, and feel reasonably foolish, as opposed to some time down the line, 2 days, 2 weeks, 2 years (who knows?), when it will most definitely be too late, and you will never have said what you wanted to or heard what you needed to. suffer either momentary embarrassment that you create for yourself, or a lifetime of wondering ‘what if?’. the choice is, as always, your’s to make.
closure is inherently important. also impossibly relieving. and when you’ve gotten what you came for, or not, depending on the situation, remember that no matter what form it took, it is what you need, be it what you want or not. sometimes, you have to compromise. what’s good for you isn’t always apparently so, initially. trust, or in the least, listen, to that little voice in your head that’s saying ‘this is what you needed’. it may seem horribly wrong or painful at the time, solutions don’t always come labelled ’solutions’, but later, 2 days, 2 weeks, 2 years (who cares?) later, it will all fall into its cosmic order and it will make sense. everything happens for a reason, and it always feels good to finish a book, to know what the moral lesson is, to know what the conclusion is about, at the end of it.
in my experience, there is nothing that is a greater contributer to that glorious stage of ‘moving on’ than closure. it helps you to see things about yourself, about other people, about life and its continuity that you may have been stupidly blind to before. it is a fantastically positive thing.
clo·sure pronunciation of “closure” Pronunciation Key (klzhr)
n.
1. The act of closing or the state of being closed: closure of an incision.
so, finish that chapter, folks. close it, shut it, end it, cut it clean. don’t leave dangly bits lying (hanging) around. they will proceed to rot and annoy you. you will never be free of that baggage that could have been left at the door, you will never be rid of that ‘why?’ and all the other questions that follow that you will never be able to answer, you will never be without regret, guilt, bitterness and wishes. don’t leave yourself, or the other party, hanging, wondering, waiting. find the courage to say what you have to say, exactly like you have to say it, and accept whatever truths are being said to you, exactly like they have to be said. it is always, unconditionally, worth it.
Maybe they come labelled “solutions”?
Comment by Tiddly-om-pom-pom — March 27, 2006 @ 5:55 pm
my bad, my bad.
note : i had previously mis-spelt ’solutions’.
Comment by electra — March 27, 2006 @ 6:18 pm
‘Getting’ closure, I feel, is a matter of emotional maturity. In most cases, especially in Sri Lanka, no matter what background one comes from it is a difficult ‘stage’ to reach in a relationship. On one hand, we all want our safety net. The one we fall back on when everything else fails. On the other, most of us do not understand what closure means and how to deal with it. So you put both these together and Wholla!!! you have recipe for baggage.
Comment by Horus — March 28, 2006 @ 6:17 am
Closure is a lot easier when you rarely have to see that person again, which could be a problem in SL with its minute social circles. Still if you can achieve it, nothing beats it.
Comment by childof25 — March 28, 2006 @ 7:27 am
I think… what you’re talking about is getting stuff off your chest. Closure is when events take their rightful place - in your heart and mind. At least for me.
Comment by Azrael — March 28, 2006 @ 8:59 am
I agree with what everyone has had to say about closure. it is a ‘matter of emotional maturity’, it is ‘easier when you rarely have to see the person’ and it is also when ‘events take their rightful place-in your heart and mind’. sometimes it happens soon and sometimes not. as for me, i am desperately seeking it.!Help!!:)
Comment by Guess who? — March 28, 2006 @ 4:38 pm
i agree with everyone, too. i guess ‘closure’ means and comes in different forms to different people. for me, ‘getting it off your chest’ is one big step towards gaining closure, which is why i emphasized on it so much. i could never have closure unless everything i have to say is ‘off my chest’ and i’ve heard what the other thinks. i think what’s also very important is to make sure that you hold the key to achieving closure, and that you are not entirely in the hands of the other party involved. you need to possess some or better, most, of the power to make it better, for yourself if no one else.
childof25 : i think if you’ve gotten closure in its entirety, it doesn’t really make a difference if you are faced with this person again and again or not. that’s kind of the point of closure. there’s no tension, no unsaid stuff, no under currents. atleast that’s how it should be, ideally. in my experience, this really is how it is, and i’m really happy and proud about this state of affairs. it takes a lot to truly ‘rise above it’, and closure helps a LOT.
guess who : you know what you need to do. it will just take some time. in the meantime, remember that those who love you do so unconditionally, and feel free to vent when you feel like it. i am always here. also unconditionally.
azrael : you are infinitely wise.
of course closure is about emotional maturity, and no matter what who says, moving on is up to oneself entirely. not even oneself sometimes, but one’s subconscious. it has to happen in its own time and in its own way. i just think having this final talk type thing with the other person is the best, healthiest and fastest way to it.
Comment by electra — March 28, 2006 @ 5:15 pm