Portrait

i have missed my blog. i have missed blogging, and finally i took a moment to sit down and write something.

life has been both rewarding and stressful. having noticed quite a few flattering reviews of ‘the art of chitrasena’ on the blogosphere itself, i must say i’m phenomenally proud of us all for having put up such a satisfying performance. all the feedback we’ve been getting has been encouraging and inspiring, it has motivated us all to keep doing what we’ve been doing, to keep going, strong and passionate. i’ve been dancing at the chitrasena vajira kalayathanaya since i was 6. between then and now, there have been multiple times in which i’ve almost given up. the trip has never been easy, leave alone purely enjoyable. it has taken a few tantrums on my part, it has taken a complete 6-7 months of not dancing and not having anything to do with it for me to realize with unstinted conviction that i can’t live that way. it takes times like these to realize that dancing is an innate part of me, and that no matter what, i love the people, and the feeling of belonging, too much to ever stop. for as long as i can remember, it has been about preserving the superior standards set by the older generation, and there has never been anything more soul-satisfying than to hear people say that we’re doing a good job of it. i am beyond privileged and honoured to be a part of that, and for that to be an inseparable part of me. expect more of that over this year, we’ll be staging a number of performances, in march, june and december. we worked immensely hard to make ‘the art of chitrasena’ a good show. those who know will know how hard. every step of the way was taken with dedication and commitment to see the revival of chitrasena’s spirit and passion in his work, to make a good enough tribute to a guru to whom one can never be thankful enough. every moment of the process of putting the show together was done with love and pleasure, and above all it was done with a great deal of teamwork. i have rearely had the joy of working and dancing with people who are that intimate to one another as well as that committed to one cause. i am looking forward to doing more of that, and to being changed and moved by my experiences with them, again and again. in all my years of being a senior dancer at the kalayathanaya, i have never before felt so much attachment to it. with innumerable performances behind me, i have never before been so enlightened by one single show.

speaking of life changing moments, i watched ‘no more tears, sister’ at barefoot a few days ago. the screening of this documentary was an intelligent choice that dominic and nazreen made. this kind of thing needs to get more mainstream publicity, and should not be limited to being watched by the select few. a documentary made on the life, work and death of rajani thiranagama, a human’s rights activist who got gunned down by the LTTE in ‘89, i found it to be profound and moving. the sheer injustice of it seems excruciating, i cannot iamgine what it must be like for her family. her parents, her three sisters, her two children, her husband.

i’m also faced with making some pretty life changing decisions. the horror is upon me. what am i doing to do with my life? ‘the future’ is being forced on me. this country continues to prove its supreme ineffciency, and has thus compelled me to believe that i need to get out of here, atleast for a few years. i’m not one of those who thinks sri lanka is a complete shit hole and is utterly useless. no way. i love this place, and i love colombo. besides this fact, the massive attachment i have to my family and people here who in some way make my life what it is, is never going to enable me to be away from here for too long at a time. some people i know have plans and dreams of migration. the grass is apparently greener on the other side, as i hear of and know many who have the typical small-town dream of getting out and doing big things elsewhere. i have no such desire to leave sri lanka for good. but for higher education? definitely. i continue to talk to everyone who makes sense to me about what i’m going to do and where i’m going to do it, and i continue to explore my options. we’ll see.