Portrait

this must be why i love him. when i whined to him about what a hectic life i begun having since of late, he knew exactly what i meant, how i felt, what i needed to hear. ‘breathe and stop’ he told me wisely. life has hit the ‘crazy’ button again. it has turned into an endless and tumlutous cycle of work, dancing, responsibilities and battles with the authorities that govern my life right now. my mother thinks i like being busy, that i sub consciously enjoy being stressed out, and she’s probably right. as much as i complain, and as painful as it is to not have a life of my own for lengthy periods at a stretch sometimes, this is one of the things i am going to treasure about being young and i know it. the active involvement, the non-stop stimulation my creativity gets. just when it was turning into one blur of day after day of constantly having to be somewhere at this time doing this and then going onto the next place 2 minutes later and then having to do something else, and i thought it was going to become impossibly hectic and that my life is going to turn into something that no longer belongs to me, i actually had an ok weekend. i did quite a few things i wanted to do, at the expense of ditching or postpoing other things that i had to do (too bloody bad). i got my one chance to breathe and stop till the 8th of november. just when you start to question your priorities and start panicking about whether you’ve made the right choices, there’s always something, or indeed something, that gives you a moment. something that gives you a breather to be with yourself.

here are the highlights of a weekend that will help me survive for a long time to come…

on friday, i got sick. having previously gotten wet a number of times over the days gone by, it was to be expected. there were days when i was never actually dry. where i went from being soaked in the rain indoors just long enough to get the excess of water off myself, and then back into the rain. there were too many of those days. thursday night was the beginning, where i began sneezing uncontrollably at A’s place on marine drive. friday morning i woke up with a blocked nose, itchy throat and an immensely heavy head that made me feel like i’d been knocked over by twenty foot pole. i thought ’screw it all’ and decided to stay in bed at home the whole day. i did. it was a well deserved rest for my body that was long overdue. friday night i went for dancing, and then managed to catch the last two songs of the hollowpoint halo show at h20. it was only ok, they just have very good PR. D and i stayed on at h20 after the show. we had a lot of fun, as usual. i haven’t had her to myself like that in a long time. we danced a lot and then went home. saturday afternoon was the royal thomian regatta. there were too many people who knew nothing about rowing, it was too hot and people were just generally too drunk. i didn’t have as half as much fun as i have had over the years at the rowing club, this afternoon was exceptionally irritating and boring. i was hot, bothered and tired (after 4 hours of dancing in the morning) and spent a lot of time being glum upstairs. i think i have also somehow ceased to care about thora winning as i used to. it may have something to do with me disliking most of the current crew, and the departure of the (older) boys that i do like and care about and would gladly cheer for, from the thomian crew. scourge was hilariously, roaringly drunk. if i had been someone who didnt know him, i would have been nothing short of rolling on the lawn laughing my pants off at him. as it were, in this case i spent a lot of time worrying about him and making sure that he was ok while tactfully avoiding any situations that involved him shouting my name like a bloody romeo from upstairs so all the world (and a little bit more) could hear. i was so fascinated i couldn’t be arsed being mad at him. royal and thora drew at the end, it was very nearly a royal victory and somehow, that little evil voice inside me hopes that royal will whip thora ass next year. saturday night was tim’s book launch, and after that we headed back to club. scourge continued to make an utter ass out of himself, but seemed to have been somewhat subdued by the draw. nuksh was still around club because her parents were still there, and luckily too. we had a long and very intimate conversation, the kind that time hasn’t allowed in a while. lying on the lawn right near the pier, looking at an almost clear sky reflected on the water of the beira with one of my bestest girlfriends in the world, i realized how brilliant my life actually was. we talked about a lot of things, including how much i miss the boy. sunday morning, dancing again. monday, shannon M and i made our way hesitaingly down to this party being thrown by a bunch of LCites. i’m very skeptical about LC parties. it must be an automatic defense mechanism. we were not surprised with the very apparent exclusivity of invitees, and wondered how the hell we actually wound up being on the list at all. paying no heed the usual turning of heads that followed me around (and shannon too), we got right to business and danced the whole night away with only each other. that woman can dance. she is one of those girls that i can actually dance a whole night with, without being bored. i was being checked out heavily by someone who made a lot of people jealous by doing so, so i’m relatively flattered.

it has been soulful and satisfying to have been able to breakaway for a bit, and spend time doing stuff i enjoyed and wanted to. i definitely need more breathe and stop time, and i have a feeling i’m not getting any, not anytime soon anyway…