MAD!
i’m really mad. i dont know exactly why, although i do have a feeling i know a part of the reason. maybe it’s just a bad day. irritated really, pissed off. totally annoyed. its fascinating, i haven’t been this annoyed at someone in a long time. i generally try to let things slide, getting pissed of at individuals is a pain. its easier to just let it go, rise above it, and what have you. but no. i’m frothing, the kind of frothing that has you spewing the f word at any passing thing, the kind that even makes you laugh at yourself and how worked up you’ve managed to become.
this is what i hate about intimacy; that you give another person the full liberty and endless opportunities to pick you up and fling you around mercilessly. yes, i’m hurt. its bloody absurd! i have nothing to be hurt about. technically, its all ok. or it should be, so far. but its not, is it? i am hurt, and i am angry. and i dont even really know why.
this is what i hate about caring for someone; that you are risking the chance that they may not actually care so much for you as you do for them, and by the time you realize that, you figure you’re in too deep to pull out and pretend that for you, relationships are all about give and take. it doesn’t matter about the taking. you’ve given, and given, and given already, and you’re even willing to imagine some reciprocal love and concern if its not there in reality. hence, you fool yourself. big time.
this is what i hate about being close to someone else; that it takes less than nothing for them to affect you in a way that few people can. that, without even realizing the effect they have on you, you slowly begin to place greater than healthy importance on how they feel, what they think and how they act, especially towards you.
this is what i hate about thinking you’re important to someone else; that you never actually know if you are.
you gotta love it though, this endless cycle we put ourselves through.
i hear u.. going thru similar at the moment .. doesnt it just suck???
Comment by savi3 — August 11, 2005 @ 9:23 pm
“this is what I hate about thinking you’re important to someone else,that you never actually know if you are”
woman, you could not have put it better…. and oh yeah we do put ourselves in that endless cycle dont we?! We vow that we will never ever go thru it all again and the next thing we know we entering the same ol mess all over again….
Comment by Savi — August 12, 2005 @ 1:10 pm
It’s like being stuck in an endless limbo of torture eh? SUCKY!
Comment by Nuzzy — August 15, 2005 @ 5:46 am
Groan…Ack ack… (keels over and drops down dead)…
What have you been drinking?
Do you want a gun? I mean in case you want to shoot someone? I know where you can get one…one of those sexy matt black things Trinity has…but you don’t have the black leather do you…I know where you can get that too…
Want to go on a roaring rampage of revenge?
Comment by Morquendi — August 15, 2005 @ 4:02 pm
I’ve got a silver .38 baretta if you wanna borrow…
Comment by Scourge — August 15, 2005 @ 4:43 pm
morq : now now…we must (try our hardest to) rise above it and be mature and things, no? although a roaring rampage of revenge, especially with your assitance, could be fun. endless, mindless fun.
what have i been drinking? unfortunately, nothing illegal.
scourge : oh the irony.
but, no thanks. the last time i shot, had my elbow nearly broken from the recoil. i just might hire somene to ‘take care of it’, and most preferably, the someone would have their own gun, so it couldnt by any little slip up, be traced back to me. i HAVE watched enough CSI, you know?
Comment by electra — August 15, 2005 @ 6:07 pm
http://msnimiekle.blogspot.com
Comment by msnimiekle — May 3, 2009 @ 4:01 pm