electra, the male chauvinist
i’ve been called many many things. but never been accused of having male chauvinistic ideas…
wtf?!
here is the comment someone left on my post, the wedding dream -
every gil does NOT dream of getting married. It is unbalievable to here such a thing from a girl! You always tend to have male chauvinist ideas - I remember your cattish post
many girls, and women, have ideas on feminism that differ from mine. recently i was accused of being male chauvinistic by achala, (who left no link, sorry…) who said that it was unbelievable that i claimed that all girls dream of what their weddings should be like. pray, correct me if i’m wrong, but she obviously totally missed the point. when in my post did i say it was stupid or wrong of us as girls to dream about our own weddings? when did i condemn the activity? why does it make us lesser beings, or lesser females if we admit to having fantasies of having a perfect wedding? why, and HOW, does it make me male chauvinistic if i’m not ashamed of admitting i have silly, romantic dreams of getting married on the beach?
she obviously does NOT know me. anyone who knows me well will know that i’m a staunch feminist. i was brought up by one, and to me, feminism comes naturally. i’ve seen women who get beaten up by their drunkard of a husband, i’ve heard stories of women who get raped on a regular basis by military personnel, i’ve talked to an eleven year old girl who was impregnated by her grandfather, and mind you, gave birth to that child. i’ve seen strong women pick up the pieces of their shattered lives and fight injustive and ignorance while being wonderful mothers. i wonder if achala has taken her feminist self anywhere important and done anything productive with her fantastically feministic ideas to actually change the life or lives of women right under our noses who get treated like shit.
male chauvinism to me are ideals that imply men are superior and women are inferior. feminism to me are ideals that imply both men and women are equals, and therefore deserve equal respect, dignity, and opportunity.
that’s it. it’s that simple.
being a feminist doesn’t mean i hate all men, and love all women. there are men i love, men i hate, and likewise women i love, and women i hate. how i see a person, and my judgement of them is not influenced by their sex. at the same time, there are some realities that everyone needs to face, even achala. realities like there are qualities and things about women that only women possess, and qualities and things about men that only men possess. mark my words. men and women are different, and there is nothing wrong with that.
how can there be? its nature.
for this reason, there are things about being a woman that i love, just as much as there are things about it i hate.
women are naturally intuitive, sensitive, emotional, impulsive, subtle, romantic. these things can both be good and bad, blessings and curses, just like everything else, depending on each situation. men are not these things to the extent that women are, besides the few exceptions, the one’s many of us brand as ‘gay’ because it’s unusual for a man to be those things. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THAT? what’s wrong with being romantic, idealistic? what’s wrong with a teenage girl talking about her fantasies of getting married? how does it make her male chauvinistic?
nature has a balance. ying and yang. night and day. men and women. we have to accept the fact that our feminine qualities are there for a reason, and be proud of them, not deny them because we think it makes us look like the less tough, more vulnerable species.
going on to my ‘cats’ post, achala either can’t read, or didnt read that post carefully enough. never once did i mention that i thought women being catty was bad. i made no judgement on the matter, only put down my theory and observations. frankly, i think catty is just another quality that is endemic to us females, and i see nothing wrong with it.
she seemed to be almost disappointed by my words, because she thought i let the female kind down. if freely admitting to be a soppy romantic, and not being ashamed or afraid to admit that women have ways of being mean implied that i have no respect for women (which is what i think a male chauvinist is), i beg to differ. isn’t it far more of a let down when there are women who deny the fact that all the wonderful things about being a woman are things to be proud of?
ok,I’m no hypocrite here,even tho I cant picture my wedding…(I do admit my ideals are sometimes in confusion)but I must agree with electra..being a woman and all these qualities that come with it is something natural,maybe they are not things to be ultra proud of or ultra ashamed of..but v as women shud definitely accept them as part of being one…
All of us women, I’m sure can admit to being bitchy or as u say Catty at one point in our lives,and women by nature are romantics(even tho some of us cant picture our weddings!!)…
Feminism is abt standing on the same platform as men AND fighting for the rights that v have been denied as human beings …not thinking that v r da superior sex,hmm maybe female chauvinism exists too!!!
Comment by Savi — May 9, 2005 @ 3:02 pm
“women are naturally intuitive, sensitive, emotional, impulsive, subtle, romantic.” says electra . Well, are these natural? These are culturally conditioned phenomena but most of us do take them for granted. Girls are taught to be sensitive, emotional impulsive ..etc… When ever then go “beyond” that here comes the parental “advice”: behave like a girl! Of course boys are also taught to be “boys”. that is also a cultural construt. Some thing far beyond and above biological aspects. In the end you begin to see through the glasses “they” gave you.
“I am a women. I must be snsitive, consoling….ect. I must dream of my marriage and looking after my huband’s children”
And “I am a man. I shoun’d behave like a women. I need to be tough…etc.”
But we all know that when we were kids these things try to get blended. But we are not allowed. We gat the perfect training as we grow up. That’s the point. Ok. women…(and of course men)speak up, am I correct or wrong?
Comment by Achala — May 9, 2005 @ 7:25 pm
Something tells me I might regret getting into this debate but I am feeling sufficiently adventurous today so let’s give it a go
I hope electra is generalising there because I’m nowhere close to most of those things. Actually that’s why I cant seem to get on with most women, I tell things as I see them, lack sensitivity, no subtlety or intuition, need things spelled out etc hehe. You have been warned.
That said, I read both the catty and wedding dream posts. Although my first impression was “wait a minute is she judging cattiness and going gooey over getting married?” I read them again and realised that no, its just a “catty is a female trait” and “girls dream about their weddings” sort of post. I agree mostly, although I maintain that both must be treated as generalisations of female behaviour.
I maybe a tomboy of the worst order but I’m not ashamed to admit that I have fantasised about weddings too. I think what Achala failed to understand is that electra said most of us dream of “weddings” not necessarily “marriage”. I don’t dream of actually getting married to someone, I personally think its a most hideous thing. When I think “wedding”, its the trimmings, the dress, the flowers etc. The bridegroom is just a tall shadowy figure standing at the end of the aisle and sometimes its Prince William [grin]. No, seriously who the bridegroom is doesn’t matter, what matters is the type of music that’s playing, the decor, the exact shade and cut of the dress so on. Basically, the show where you are the star. And before you think I’m ego-tripping, I know several girls (and gay men) who agree with me on this.
Anyway, its just a fantasy, and there’s nothing wrong with those things right? If dreaming about your wedding is not your thing it doesn’t make you any less feminine. Hell, I dream about being able to benchpress my own weight someday but I don’t let that make me feel any less a chick.
As for
I think its upto you to take those glasses off, if you want to. Its not easy to fight conditioning but its a battle worth fighting. People tried to make me “a typical girl” too and I quite simply refused. I strongly believe that the degree to which you display masculine or feminine traits has a lot to do with what you really want from yourself.
Also, bleeding heart feminists who can’t spell are among the fifty thousand things that get on my poor irritable nerves…
Comment by loki — May 10, 2005 @ 6:16 am
Also, bleeding heart feminists who can’t spell are among the
fiftythousand things that get on my poor irritable nerves…
Leave aside spelling, women who have no concept of feminism as an issue beyond differences between men and women are among mine.
Comment by Ru — May 10, 2005 @ 10:04 am
[…] a lot to do with what you really want from yourself. firstly, thanks loki. you’re entire comment was useful and interesting. moving on…here […]
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