the wedding dream
warning : this is an extremely girl-y post!
unfortunately, it’s probably true.: every girl, from the time that she’s old enough understand it, fantasizes about getting married. not necessarily about being married, or indeed about the marraige itself (oh lordy no…no fantasies about that) but about ‘getting married’. the wedding. the white dress, the flowers, your best friends and family standing there, beaming, the aisle, the vows, the rings, the music.
maybe because we grew up watching many romantic movies, in which everything just falls into place, and weddings are the epitome of romantic, as a girl, i’ve always had a picture of my wedding. hasn’t everyone? somehow, sometime ago, i always pictured one of those totally hollywood movie type chapel weddings. the choir, the christian vows, all the white and the veil, walking down the aisle on my father’s arm. soon i realized that that dream was probably not going to ‘be’ for me. and suddenly, that’s ok. my new dream wedding takes place on the beach at sunset : exchanging self written vows under an arch, everyone in jeans and white tops, my cousin and three best friends are bride’s maids, champagne toasts by my brother, or my cousin brother, or both, who knows? dancing to a great DJ on a wooden dance floor under the stars, the sea at my feet.
however, one by one, i’ve seen people close to my heart and closer to my soul getting married over the past few years. and everytime it makes me think, ‘wow. their getting married. their pledging their lives to each other’ and been comepletely blown away by the concept of marraige, and not so much by the wedding. weddings are almost always nice. but their so much nicer when someone you love is getting married. in early december last year, two wonderful people tied the knot on the rocks overlooking the sea in unawatuna. the moment, watching them stare into each other’s eyes and declare their undying love in the most sincere way possible made me weep with joy, and some other feeling tugging at my heart strings. something stirred, a want for that moment, for that untarnished beauty.
i was told that another of my ‘akkis’ are getting hitched in june, and that i’m to be bride’s maid. i’ve known her since the day i was born, and her mother has mothered me like my own. (or as the joke goes, s0metimes even better!) all the material was born and embroidered in india, and all the clothes are fabulous. today we went to the local tailor they’ve hired to do all the clothes for the wedding to give her my measurements. your’s truly somehow by some weird twist of fate, is wearing pink. 
it turns out having a wedding isn’t easy. everything DOESN’T fall into place and happen with spectacular romance on the wedding day. and it just me why women (and their mothers, hopefully) go through all that trouble to make sure everything is perfect. you’re getting MARRIED. wow. its THE day. of course you want everything to be perfect.
there are:
clothes,
the flower arrangements,
the perfect location,
the invitations,
food,
the photgrapher and videographer,
the music….the list goes on.
and then there’s all the family politics. who do you invite? who are you going to pick to be your witness, your bride’s maids? which wedding traditions do you stick to, and which ones do you avoid? i’ve seen and heard of enough weddings ruined simply because there are TOO many cooks. everyone has something to add, and everyone expects you to like their ideas. it looks like organizing weddings seems a stressful business that requires taste, patience and diplomacy.
it looks like what they say is true…ONLY if the couple is still together and in adoration and love at the end of the wedding, do they really belong together.
Ok,call me a freak..but I have always been marriage and wedding phobic..dont get me wrong here,my parents r still in luv after some 20 years,everything is great..but somehow or the other I could never picture myself marrying,as u say I could never picture the THE DAY!Its crazy but I cant,I never could…I have always been a bit turned off by the whole concept of big weddings…find them a rather embarassing performance rather than actually a celebration fo marriage…..
Comment by Savi — May 7, 2005 @ 9:33 pm
thats the sad part i guess, that weddings often just become a big spectacle, a chance for everyone to show off how rich and infulential they are. people, even families, forget that the whole POINT is the marraige, and it just ceases to be special for the right reasons.
Comment by Electra — May 8, 2005 @ 8:55 am
every gil does NOT dream of getting married. It is unbalievable to here such a thing from a girl! You always tend to have male chauvinist ideas - I remember your cattish post
Comment by Achala — May 9, 2005 @ 6:42 am
At least Electra can spell …….
And there’s nothing wrong with saying that every girl dreams of getting married cos whether you like it or not 99.99% of females DO dream of their wedding at some point in their lives. Just because some of you fall into that .01% of those who DON’T dream of weddings doesn’t make the rest of the females “tend to have male chauvinist ideas”.
This is what I think is the problem with people who think they’re staunch feminists. I’m not referring to Achala alone, but to those countless number of women who sneer at other women for being ‘girly’ or having ideas similar to the male kind.
Feminism is about equal rights and being strong and independent etc etc but some people do have a tendency to push it overboard and find fault with the smallest of things about issues regarding women and generally make life hell for the rest of the world. Just because a female points out a bad trait in the female species or doesn’t join the bandwagon of those public feminists, doesn’t make her any less a woman, any less a ‘feminist’. God knows we’ve heard enough complaints about advertisements where the women are washing dishes.
A topic that should have a post of its own don’t u think Electra?
What say you?
Comment by iroms — May 9, 2005 @ 8:36 am
Oh! dear, some feminist chic set the place on fire. What’s the deal with women washing dishes? and hey, how come no one ever talks about that dad who’s giving the kid a shower in a Johnsons and Johnsons ad? huh? huh?
The worst kind of people are those people who think that they are “perfect because they are women” and the wannabe feminists who are just in it for their own freaking convenience.
(Hope i got my spelling right, otherwise iroms might bite my head off)
Comment by Scourge — May 9, 2005 @ 9:30 am
[…] having male chauvinistic ideas… wtf?! here is the comment someone left on my post, the wedding dream - every gil does NOT dream of getting married. It is unbali […]
Pingback by Portrait :: electra, the male chauvinist :: May :: 2005 — May 9, 2005 @ 1:52 pm
Great spelling Scourge
Now if you only capped the ‘I’ in Iroms ! He he.
“What’s the deal with women washing dishes?” Thats like the oldest complaint that this staunch feminists have men. The kind that love to complain about everything. I’ve read like hundreds of complaints in these magazines about how all the ads where they show someone wshing dishes, the person washing them is a woman. Sigh. I’m all for equal rights but I don’t think complaning about things ENDLESSLY like that is gonna get Women’s LIB anywhere. Media exploitation is an important issue but a woman washing dishes? Puh-lease. You don’t see them complaining about the half-naked women on magazine covers, who are there just to lure sexually starved beings.
Btw, if some die hard feminist wants to dissect me for my comments .. go ahead. I don’t particularly care whether someone thinks I’m being anti feminist. Because I know I’m not and thats all that matters right ?
Comment by Iroms — May 10, 2005 @ 11:39 am