Portrait

how, and more importantly why, are we always judging people?

being judgemental is something we as humans inevitably do. we also successfully hold to pretending that we do not under any circumstances judge people. gasp, what a horrible thing that is, to be judgemental. and as nice as it is to imagine that we do not engage in judging people, let’s face it, we do. and hey, maybe it isn’t such a horrible thing.

judging a book by it’s cover
physical appearances play such a huge role in today’s life. it means so much that you wear the right clothes, that you follow the ‘in’ trend, that you sport the perfect haircut and wear just the right amount of make up. it’s so important to maintain a good figure, a good complexion, healthy skin. there are an innumerable range of products on the market to help you sustain good skin, and fair skin at that. dark? bad. fair? good. they promise you radiant glowing skin, flawless, unblemished. they promise you the perfect boy, no bulges, no extra inches. wax your legs with this, tone your stomach with this, clear up your skin with this. what has our perception of beauty become? sadly, the magazines and the TV commercials leave little room for us to expand our mental horizons and social stereotypes on what beauty is, and even less room for us to feel good about ourselves regardless of whether we have their definition of a good body and good skin or not. if you look anything ‘less’ than the prototype of good looking, then you either go jump in a well, or you routinously undergo systematic torture that apparently shows you promising results. or you can hang around and be scrutinized by those who DO bother to ‘take care’ of themselves.

body language
thankfully, i’ve always been on the slim side. not that i think that to be not thin is to be not pretty or not attractive, but being someone who is considering a career in performing arts and dancing, it IS rather important that i have a light body, and a slim figure. and i’ve truly been blessed. just today a friend asked me how i ‘maintain my figure’. how? I DON’T KNOW! this is the metabolism i was born with. i don’t watch what i eat, i don’t do regular routinized exercise, and i don’t go to the gym, jog, walk or bike every morning. i just be. actually, i eat alot. (those of you who know, know ) i dance about twice a week. and really, that’s it. i love activity, i mean i enjoy walking from destination A to B with a friend, i enjoy biking around galle face, i enjoy my salsa classes, i enjoy partying and dancing till i drop. but i’m not particular about maintaining my figure per se. i just live, and kind of hope that my body doesn’t decide to bloat. and i’m not THIN. no, i know people who are thin. i’m just not fat. i have big hips, making it impossible for me to find the right jeans ever, but i’ve always accepted the fact that i’m not going to ever own the perfect body, and been ok with what i have now. what’s the primal thing in us, that attracts us to fair, and skinny? what makes us use fair and lovely, or what not? why do we have this preconceived notion of what is good looking to be fair, and slim? beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder. it’s an OPINION. not a standard.

first impressions
this maybe, as inevitable as it is to many of us, one of the biggest mistakes we make when judging someone : judging them on a first impression. it’s hard to not judge someone when you meet then for the first time, but when it stops being ok is when we refuse to be open to a change of mind or opinion after getting to know them, beyond a first meeting. it’s onlt natural to draw up SOME conclusions when you first meet someone, but is it really fair to go purely by what you think you know about that person, but you really don’t? first impressions are dangerous. good first impressions are even more so. risky to make, and risky to sustain. to me, an ideal first impression would be nothing less than who you really are. why the need to pretend? the need to ‘impress’?

all in all, judgements are human, but their also midly vicious. we judge people every day. on how they look, what they say, what they wear, how they behave, how they eat, WHAT they eat…it’s like you’re this little thing, and all these people are constantly inspecting you under the maginifying glass and then jotting down little notes depending on what they observe. of course, it’s also important to be able to judge a character to a certain degree. it would be insanely scary to not form any opinions on someone AT ALL, but just how far are we willing to believe ourselves when it comes to these judgements we pass?

everyone likes to think they ‘know’ people well, that they ‘read’ personalities well, and that they draw up superbly accurate judgements on people. everyone likes to think ‘hey, i’m good at reading people. trust me on this, so and so is like this and that’. but the fact remains, people aren’t open books. they aren’t there to be judged, or ‘read’. their not as transparent as you might think, or as anything as you might think. all you have to be open to, which i find is something that is near impossible for many people, is the fact that YOU MIGHT BE WRONG.

i’ve been getting judged my whole life. and most of the time, judged wrongly and unfairly. i’m sure this is something many of us have to deal with. it’s nothing tragic, or unusual. it happens to everyone. i know for a fact i myself have been wrong about people on a number of occasions. so whilst it’s hopeless to expect people to be completely unjudgemental, because we’re a naturally judgemental species, it wouldnt be asking for too much if you expect people to be broadminded and compassionate when doing so, would it?

i think it’s all fine to pass judgements. but its just not right to seal them up, to lock it up and throw away the key. human life is a constantly changing thing. nothing about us or our opinions should be set in stone.